Breastfeeding a newborn was the most magical and scary thing I had ever experienced! I was feeling so calm feeding my baby, so relaxed. But at the same time, I was terrified that she could choke. I was panicking with every little sound she was making. It took me a while to get used to all the baby sounds. I always wanted someone to be in the house with us, in case she was choking while breastfeeding. Luckily, my mom came from Greece and stayed with us for 20 days, unfortunately, she could not stay for longer. Having my mom here with me, while experiencing this huge change in my life was very important. I felt I had a supporter. I had someone to rely on, someone that I could share any fear, someone who understood to me.

Let’s start from the beginning. After giving birth to my first born, which was a wonderful birth, and so quick, (we will talk about labor and delivery in another post), I wanted to do skin to skin with my baby girl. So we did. I had my baby on me, feeding for more than an hour. It was such a wonderful experience, and it felt so natural. No second thoughts! I was ready to breastfeed. I was doing great. Until… that second night at the hospital. I was exhausted, my husband was too. He fell asleep and it was impossible to wake him up. Up until that point everything was running so smoothly. It was nighttime, my husband was so tired, so I figured I should let him sleep, I called a nurse to help me feed, because the baby was getting fussy, and I was getting overwhelmed. As soon as she walked in, she told me that my baby was not latching properly and my nipples were in, so I needed a nipple shield, or give my baby the bottle. “Nipple shield? What is that?” I thought. But, I immediately told her I would try the nipple shield. She helped me put it on my breast and left. I was now, there, with a newborn trying to figure out the nipple shield and how to feed my child with that on. I was devastated. “Why do I need the shield? I was doing great. What happened now. What changed. Did I do something wrong.” I was crying, I felt that I failed. Why did I need a “tool” to feed my child. I honestly did not understand why one nurse said my baby was latching well, and the other that the baby did not latch properly. Now, that I think about it, that nurse, probably had a bad night, she was tired. So, she felt that giving my baby the bottle would have made her stop crying and also make her job and mine easier. But I am so happy I did not give in and chose to continue breastfeeding, even if that meant to have the nipple shield on.

I have to say, I used the nipple shield (https://amzn.to/3yYi44u) for 40 days. And who knows, maybe I would still use if I had not burned it. Yes, you read correctly, I burned the nipple shield. I used to sterilize it by boiling it into hot water. So, one day, I forgot it (mom-brain) on the stove top boiling and I burned it. That saved me! Because that is when I realized that I can feed my baby normally and I don’t need any nipple shields anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that the nipple shield actually protect my sensitive nipples, and prevent any nipple fissures. I just think that using it made me feel insecure and that I could not feed my baby without them. While using the nipple shields, I sometimes breastfed my daughter without them, so I could slowly stop using them. Most of the time though, I found it hard, and I was uncertain if my baby was getting enough milk, just because when I used the nipple shields I could see the milk that was left in there after each feeding and that gave me peace of mind.

Three months of breastfeeding passed so quickly. We had now a routine. I was more comfortable breastfeeding anywhere I was, and the baby was latching great. My life as a mother was getting so much easier. She was growing up so fast, and the bond between us was getting stronger. I felt powerful, and ready to overcome any struggle. Time was flying by, from a tiny little “seed”, she became a three-month old little girl. All smiles, and ready to learn everyday something new, leading her to become the strong independent toddler that she is today.

Love,

Mamastina